The Art of Asking Better Questions to Get Better Answers
Isn’t it interesting that the whole world is run off of questions? Every product you are using, from your computer, to your keyboard, to your mouse, to your water bottle sitting on your desk – everything came from someone at some point asking “I wonder…..”
I wonder why we do things this way...?
I wonder if this product could be better.....?
I wonder if we tweaked this one thing, would it make the outcome different....?
Why do we do this, that way.....?
Every product that we use in our everyday lives, everything that has ever come into existence in the history of humankind, all started with a pondering -- a question, in the human mind.
Every product or thing, is a result of someone’s innovation!
Someone was willing to think and imagine things differently. From the earliest tools that cavemen created, to spaceships, to your favorite MacBook Air you use everyday. All of it started with pondering, with wonder and curiosity to go on the journey, with being willing to ask a different question. Is there a better way? This is where innovation happens.
Better questions, better conversations.
It's so simple, but when you implement it, you get a different result.
Have you ever been in a conversation where feels like pulling teeth? You’re asking open-ended questions....you’re being curious about the other person....you are willingly exploring their interests…But your conversation partner isn’t giving you anything to work with?
They respond with short one-word answers that lead you absolutely nowhere, revealing nothing more about themselves. And you’re left sitting there, scratching your head, and trying to carry the entire weight of the conversation? Yeah, not very much fun. Chances are you asked a boring, predictable question like "how are you?" or "so, what do you do?"
The key to better conversations is to ask a different, unexpected question that causes
someone to engage with you in a different way.
In contrast, have you ever experienced the magic that happens when you finally ask the right question, and it totally unlocks something in them? Suddenly they light up like Energizer Bunny, their words are gushing out in full sentences, and you can feel their enthusiasm and passion literally radiating off them?
Ahhhh! Now you’ve found it. You hit a core button right there. You found the *thing* they really care about-- the thing they are passionate about, the thing they could talk for days on end about.
The amazing thing is every human being has that Energizer-bunny potential inside of them. It’s just waiting to be unlocked, by someone being curious enough to ask them that right question, that awakens their heart, that helps them turn on and become fully alive.
That unleashes the inner genius within them.
This core thing that we love, is different for each of us –the thing that lights you up inside, that gets you going, that has you firing on all cylinders, so to speak.
For some it’s space, for some it’s beautiful design, for others it’s fighting for the restoration of trafficking victims.
We are all hardwired with a passion inside of us that can’t be quenched or contained.
Something we want to do or see change in the world. That core passion and core desire. Most of us keep this buried deep inside of us, and we especially don’t let it out with strangers.
But that's the power of a question! With one right question, all that passion and motivation can completely be awakened! Pulling the buried treasure out into the open, for all to see.
The good news? YOU can be the one that awakens this in people.
It's easy to do and it will give you far more interesting conversations and more meaningful connections with those around you, whether they are a friend, romantic interest, team members, etc.
The question that unlocks this is different for each person –but man, when you hit it, there’s nothing like that in the world. I live for those moments! The moments when I see someone come truly alive, their core passion ignited. I know I’ve hit on something.
Purpose.
But what changed? You asked a better question! One question unlocked a whole new realm of conversation and connection that you never would have had without that specific question.
Better questions create better conversations.
Asking people the same old same old –How are you doing? How’s your week? What do you do? Are not going to get you to that lightbulb -Energizer-bunny moment in conversation as you're talking to someone.
As a person who feels like they are allergic to small talk, these rote questions quickly become draining for me.
I want to hear what's on your heart, what lights you up, and what gets you fired up about changing the world! I really want to hear about how God created you, and the unique view you have on the world, and help you recognize that your quirkyness is the exact gift that God wants to use. That's what I'm listening for when I'm in conversation with people.
I believe we can create more meaningful connections with each other, if we take a bit more time and effort to ask a better question.
If you truly want to build/create meaningful connections with people –learn how to ask better questions. Have some in your back pocket.
I love asking:
What season are you in?
What is God saying to you in this season?
What are you working on that you're excited about?
How do you spend your time/ or occupy your week?
What's something that's energizing for you?
What are you passionate about?
What are you most excited about currently?
I also collect questions like people collect sneakers or purses.
When I hear a new good one, I jot it down and try to incorporate it into my regular question arsenal. So next time you are having a conversation with someone new, reach for one of these instead, and see the level of your conversations transform.
What are your favorite questions to ask for deeper conversation? I once overheard someone ask a stranger on a bus- "what made you smile today?" instead of starting the conversation with "how are you?". It made me smile just hearing it.
Comment your favorite below so we can all get better at asking better questions!